Often hearing the condemning inner critic is easier than the affirming, constructive voice. The demeaning voice can be very subtle yet just as shaming as a degrading voice. There are three techniques to become more aware when your inner critic is harming you.
First, pay attention to how you are feeling. Feelings/emotions are a tool. If all of a sudden you feel bad or sad and don’t know why, this could indicate that your inner critic’s accusing you and trying to make you feel small. When this happens, be curious and compassionate. Be willing to unpack or investigate deeper into what you are feeling and why.
Another illusive characteristic you can be tuned into is when you hear your inner critic make statements that contain the word “should.” This is a red flag that you’re following an outer standard, not your own and leaves room for the inner critic to demean you when you fall short.
To counter this obstacle, you can replace the word “should” with phrase, “if I want to, I could…” * Would you give it a try?
Thirdly, comparing yourself to others is another way your inner critic can subtly appear. When you judge yourself as better than another, your inner critic can scold you for your superiority. Versely, when you feel inferior to another, it can berate you for not measuring up. Any comparison gives the inner critic leverage to minimize your inner worth.
It is nearly impossible to avoid following standards set by others. Thus, it is important to question and examine the motivations behind your actions. Do your motivations stem from an outside demand or an inner excitement? For example, when you notice your need to excel, ask if it comes from wanting acknowledgement or affirmation from others to feel good about yourself or is it because you love what you are doing. When you don’t like what you look like, is it because you believe you’ll receive more love if others approve or do you simply feel an inner urge to convey your inner beauty to the outer world?
* You Can Heal Your Body, by Louise Hays
To learn more about the Inner Critic, check out Alice McDowell’s Hidden Treasure.
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